An Akatsuki Wish
by Char739
Summary: When Deidara promises a little girl Ai the best Christmas ever, he never realized that he would be forced by law to do so. If he doesn't, he will be thrown in jail. Based on A Merry Christmas Drake and Josh.
1. A Promise

It was a blistering cold day in December and the powdered snow fell gracefully on a fiery haired man in his twenties walking down the street. He scratched his nose where his piercing was. He carried bags of presents for his subordinates when they were asleep the thirty-first. He also had presents that were going to be labeled under his name as well.

He walked up the steps to the hideout and stamped his feet on the mat. He took a deep breath and ran into the house screaming.

"AHHHH!!!!" He yelled as the Akatsuki ran after him to see what he got them early.

"We'll get you this year!!!" Hidan shouted, jumping in front of Pain. "'Cause I got a paintball gun!!!"

Hidan laughed and looked around for Leader. "Where in bloody H**l did he go!?" He yelled.

--

Pain and Konan were panting in his room.

"Jeez, what is it with them and getting presents early!?" Pain gasped.

"I don't know! I remember when we were little, we never did that!" Konan protested.

"Well, I gotta put these in the safe." Pain said as he walked over to the safe built in his wall.

"Can I peek at my present first?" Konan grabbed Pain's arm.

"You're terrible!" Pain laughed as he put the presents in his safe. "So much for the good old days."

--

That night after dinner, Deidara, Kisame, Tobi, Hidan, and Itachi walked over to the Great Konoha Mall. The Leader had given them a mission to dress up as Santa and his dwarfs as punishment for trying to sneak peeks at their presents. They were all complaining about this.

"I hope Jashin-sama forgives my sins by participating in this sacrilegious holiday." Hidan scowled. "The only holiday I'll be celebrating this year are the Twelve Days of Judgment."

"What's that?" Tobi asked.

"It's where I spill the blood and guts of everything I see to show what Jashin did after his brother defied him." Hidan said. "And then I bathe in it, to show the world Jashin-sama's power and judgment."

Everyone stared at him. Finally Kisame said something.

"But Hidan, Christmas is celebrated every year here and helps us get closer together." Kisame said. "I know this is your first Christmas with us, but why not try it?"

"Yeah. Get closely related to people who broke out of an insane asylum!" Hidan pouted.

"We're here." Itachi groaned.

They walked into the Santa setup and looked at the costumes.

"A Santa suit, an elf suit, a Rudolph costume, Santa's sack and… A Mrs. Clause suit." Itachi said. They all looked around at each other.

"Who's going to be Mrs. Clause, un?" Deidara said, shifting his eyes.

--

"The straws must've been f*****g rigged!" Hidan crossed his arms as he stood next to Deidara in the Mrs. Clause outfit.

"Like I want to be your husband, yeah!" Deidara growled in the Santa suit.

"Tobi's Santa-sempai's sack!" Tobi smiled.

"No one cares, un." Deidara shot a dirty look at Tobi.

A little boy walked past Itachi in the Rudolph costume and Kisame in the elf costume, (Which was one many sizes too small) and sat on Deidara's lap.

"Ho ho ho, un!" Deidara said under the yellow beard. (to match his hair) "How are you doing little boy?"

"I'm good Santa, but why is your hair blonde?" the boy asked.

"'Cause my husband wants to be a dumb blonde." Hidan laughed at his joke.

"Oh, you're _so _funny." Deidara glared, and then turned back to the boy.

--

Tobi was alone with Deidara because Hidan got tired of doing this and went to Starbucks instead. Tobi got tired of waiting for Deidara so he decided to speak up.

"Santa, stop kissing the pretty ladies!" Tobi said as Deidara and a brunette broke their kiss.

"And that's what you get for being such a good girl this year, yeah." Deidara improvised. As the brunette walked out, a very ugly girl the exact opposite of her came in.

"I want some of what the last girl got!" she slurped through her braces and started to make out with him. Deidara ran through the mall at full speed with the girl hot on his trail.

He decided to hide in one of the stores. He stood up straight against the wall and began catching his breath.

"Hi." Deidara yelped as he turned to face a little girl. "Are you Santa Clause's helper?"

"Yes." Deidara said.

"Can I tell you what I want for Christmas?" she said.

"Sure." Deidara looked around the corner.

"Ok, I want me and my family have the best Christmas ever!" she smiled.

"Ok." Deidara said.

"Promise?"

"I promise!" Deidara said as he ran out of the store when the girl saw him. The girl smiled as he ran out.

--

When Deidara came back, Hidan was in handcuffs and Itachi was talking to the Mall cop. Kisame and Tobi were listening, but dare not say anything to screw everything up.

"What happened, un!?" Deidara said as he came up to them.

"Hidan was causing trouble in Starbucks, concerning the holiday music." Itachi said calmly. "He of course threatened to sacrifice them to Jashin, and that's when people freaked."

"And your friend is going to stay in jail until his trial." The cop said as he walked away with Jashin.

"Well, what now?" Kisame said.

'_I know, un.' _Deidara said to himself as he smiled.

--

**Hello people! I'm sorry to say, but readers of my Gochikku Hon'ya story are going to have to wait until after Christmas to read my new chapters. I don't own Naruto, but I own Jashin's Twelve Days of Judgment. Be sure to review! Domo Arigato and enjoy!**


	2. Break Out, Un!

Hidan sat in his jail cell cursing how he wouldn't be able to sacrifice people's blood and guts for Jashin. Just then, he realized there was a man in the cell with him.

"What's your name?" the man asked.

"Why should I tell you b***h?" Hidan said as the man pinned him up to the wall, choking him.

"What's your name!?" He said again.

"HIDAN!!!" Hidan gasped as the man let him go.

"My name's Brody." Brody said. He may have looked a little bit wimpy, but he sure packed a wallop.

"Ok…" Hidan shifted his eyes toward him. "So, what do we do here?"

"I'm gonna beat you up."

"WHY!?" Hidan said as he backed up to the wall.

"I don't want people to think I'm a wimp." Brody said as he cracked his knuckles.

As Hidan was getting pulverized, men were cowering in their cells as they heard the threatening noises. Little did the men know, Brody and Hidan were making the noises by themselves. Brody hit a bottle against the table.

"AHHH!!!" Hidan yelled, trying not to laugh. "MY KIDNEY!!!"

Brody and Brody had fun that night scaring their cell mates. Hidan told Brody he couldn't die, so they took Hidan's head off and threw it at a jail cell. The people cowered even more when his head continued to speak.

"OH JASHIN! NOT MY FACE!!! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!" he yelled, doing his best not to laugh.

--

That night, while Hidan and Brody were sleeping, someone was digging a hole in the wall. Brody woke up and looked through the hole.

"Hello?" he said, confused.

"Hey, is Hidan there?" Deidara said, black lines on his cheeks.

"Hold on. Hidan, it's for you." Hidan walked up to the hole and looked through.

"What the f**k are you doing here Deidara!?" Hidan said, scratching at the stitches at his neck.

"You lost your head?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah, we were playing pranks on my cell mates and Brody sowed my head back on." Hidan said. "Now answer the question."

"I'm going to break you out." Deidara said. "Stand back."

Deidara tossed a clay spider onto the wall and made a hand symbol.

"Art is a bang!" Deidara whispered as the clay spider made a ear-splitting bang as the wall came down.

"Any chance you could've made it softer?" Hidan asked, eyes bugging out.

"No, why, un?" Deidara asked as he turned around.

"FREEZE!" The cops shouted as Hidan and Deidara put their hands in the air.

"Wanna know something Deidara?"

"What, yeah?" Deidara answered.

"They were gonna let me go tomorrow." Hidan said.

"Aww Sh-"

--

"The meeting on behalf of Mr. Deidara and Mr. Hidan is now taking place." The Judge said.

"Your honor, I know this looks bad, but they have a good reason." Pain said, standing up. He wore a blinding white jacket on top of a black shirt and pants, a new look the Akatsuki never really saw.

"What is this reason?" The Judge asked Pain. He walked up and gave the Judge a manila folder. The Judge opened it and saw a picture of the little girl Deidara saw in the mall.

"Who's this?"

"That's Ai Kazumaku." Pain said. "Deidara promised this little girl the best Christmas ever because she won't be able to have one this year without him, and that's why Deidara tried to break Hidan out of jail, so he could help him."

"I did, yeah?" Deidara said, completely clueless.

"Of course!" Hidan said, backing Pain up.

"Well, I guess I can't send you to jail…"

"Whoop!" Deidara and Hidan laughed as they slapped each other high fives.

"BUT! If that girl and her family do not get the best Christmas ever, I'm sending you and your bloody organization to jail!" the Judge said, slamming the mallet on the table. "CASE DISMISSED!"

--

"Well, that went well, un." Deidara said as they walked home, Hidan behind him.

"It sucks. Wanna know why? Because I have to celebrate this stupid heathen holiday." Hidan growled.

Behind them, a cop car caught up to them and he rolled up his window.

"Boys, I'm officer Kakashi Hatake. I want to talk to you." He said.

"What's up, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"I'm in charge of making sure you give those kids the best Christmas ever. And I'm going to ask them to vote. And It has to be a anonymous vote yes."

--

**DUN DUN DUUUUN!!! I don't own Naruto, but I do own Ai Kazumaku and Brody. Be sure to review! Domo Arigato and enjoy!**


	3. Radda, radda, radda

"How do we get to this girl's house again, yeah?" Deidara said from the backseat of the Tsukimobile, a smartly painted black Ferrari with a red cloud on both sides.

"Don't worry, I stole a GPS from Radio Shack yesterday!" Kakuzu said from the driver's seat.

"So, how do you plan to make this kid's Christmas the best ever?" Sasori said as he turned to face Deidara, who was sitting to the right of him.

"Turn left in 5 feet." The GPS said.

"HOLY!" Kakuzu said as he slammed the brakes and turned left as the Akatsuki almost fell out of their seats due to the lack of seat belts.

"Doesn't give much warning…" Itachi said from the left side of Deidara. Unlike everyone else, he was wearing a seat belt. The Akatsuki quickly clicked theirs on.

"Well, I think we should give them the Twelve Days of Judgment." Hidan said. He sat between the driver's and passenger's seats.

"NO WAY!" Kisame said. "We're going to show them our Christmas."

"Like the beginning of Christmas and the cookies and the tree, right?" Sasori said.

"Nuh uh Danna!" Deidara said. "Kids want the Christmas where they get lots of c**p, un!"

"We're going to give them c**p?" Hidan said. "This Christian faith is very queer."

"He's talking about toys." Kakuzu said.

"Turn right in five feet." The GPS said as Kakuzu slammed the brakes and turned left.

"It sounds expensive." Kakuzu said.

"That's it!" Hidan said as he pushed Kakuzu out of the car. "We can take care of our own S**tmas ourselves!" He said as he drove away from Kakuzu.

"Finally! I was tired of him being in so many of our adventures and complaining about money!" Sasori said.

Just then a cop car came from behind him.

"Shit." Hidan said as he pulled over.

Kakashi walked out of the car and came to the window.

"Oh. It's you." Kisame said. Kakashi glared at him.

"What'd we do?" Hidan said.

"You get a ticket for restless driving," Kakashi wrote a ticket on a piece of paper. "and for throwing an unwanted fan fiction character out of a moving vehicle. Seven hundred dollars."

Hidan took the tickets. "Thanks." He said sarcastically. Kakashi went back into his car and drove away.

"You have arrived." The GPS said as Hidan started to strangle it. "WE ARE NOT HERE YET!!!" He looked around to see the Akatsuki had gotten out of the car and walked to a house. Hidan ran out the door to catch up to them.

--

A boy opened the door when Sasori rang the doorbell.

"Hello, is this Ai's house?" Kisame said.

"Radda radda rada." The boy said.

"Um, radda to you too." Itachi said.

"Radda." The boy gave Kisame a banana.

"Thank you…" Kisame said.

"I knew you'd come!" a girl said. It was Ai. She ran into the room and ran into Deidara's arms. "Guys! I was right! He did come!"

"Of course, yeah." Deidara said. "But how did you know it was me?"

"I have one of his CDs." Ai said as she pointed to Hidan as two identical girls came in. "and you were on the back of it."

"Oh yeah." Hidan said. "That was when Leader wanted to advertise our organization."

"I'm Gina!" one of the twins said.

"And I'm Tina!" the other twin said. "and I'm your biggest fan!"

"Nuh uh!" Gina said as they both started to punch each other on the ground.

"Is that ok?" Kisame said.

"Oh, they do that all the time." Ai said. "and this is Bojidar." Ai pointed to the kid that gave Kisame the banana.

"What language does he speak?" Itachi asked.

"Nobody knows." Ai said.

"Well, what country does he come from?" Sasori said.

"Nobody knows."

"Continent?" Kisame asked.

"Nobody knows."

"Planet?" Hidan said, just to be funny.

"Nobody knows." Everybody looked at the strange boy, who was now picking his nose.

"Well, who takes care of you?" Deidara asked.

"I do." A teenager came down the stairs.

"Kenji! I told you they'd come!" Ai smiled.

"Yeah." Kenji said as he walked up to his room.

"Well, where's your parents?" Hidan asked.

"We were all abandoned by our parents." Ai said.

"So was I." Hidan said.

"Dude, you said your parents were killed." Itachi said.

"They were."

"Then you can't be abandoned!"

"I was."

"So, what are we going to do on my best Christmas ever first?" Ai smiled.

--

**Now, I somewhat feel sorry for Kakuzu… NOT! I don't own Naruto, or Radio Shack, but I do own The awful GPS system, Ai, Tina, Gina, Bojidar, and Kenji. Be sure to review! Domo Arigato and enjoy!**


	4. The Christmas Tree

"Well, what are we going to do for my best Christmas ever first?" Ai asked.

"Well, I think we should get a Christmas tree." Sasori said. "We can decorate it with sparkly ornaments and strings of garlands and lights…"

"Don't get too full of yourself, Danna." Deidara said. "We're going to have a fireworks show, yeah."

"Yay!"

"Shouldn't that be the finale?" Itachi asked.

"That's what I plan, un!" Deidara smiled.

"We can sing Christmas carols and watch holiday movies!" Kisame squealed.

"And then Tobi can make those awesome popcorn balls!" Tobi squealed.

"Where'd you come from?" Hidan asked.

"And we can make Christmas cookies!!!" Kisame yelled.

"YEAH!"

"And then we can watch the fireworks in the beautiful snow!" Itachi said. "If I dress accordingly, the snow won't clash with my skin color!"

"But we don't get snow here." Gina said.

"It never does." Tina said.

"Well, we'll make it the best Christmas anyway, yeah!" Deidara said. "Now let's go get a Christmas tree!"

"Radda!" Bojidar punched the air.

--

"Ok, the trick for picking out a Christmas tree is to find a small tree, but when you put it in the house, it'll be as tall as the ceiling!" Sasori said as they walked through the Christmas tree farm.

"Like magic?" Ai asked, who was hitching a ride on Deidara's shoulders.

"Yeah, just like magic, un!" Deidara said.

"Then let's get that tree!" Ai said as she pointed to a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

"Let's get something a little bit nicer." Sasori said. Every year when it was time for the Akatsuki to pick out Christmas trees, Sasori always found the most beautiful tree in the farm.

"Radda!" Sasori looked up and saw Bojidar stuck in a huge Christmas tree.

"How'd you get up there!?" Sasori yelled.

"RADDA!" Bojidar replied as he pointed to a random hobo on the road.

"Hold on!" Sasori yelled as he began climbing up the tree.

"Are you sure that's a good idea dude?" Hidan yelled up the tree.

"Of course!" Sasori yelled back down at the now assembled crew staring up at him.

"Radda!" a voice came from below. Sasori turned around.

"HOW THE H**L DID YOU GET DOWN THERE!?!" Sasori yelled, his eyes bugging out.

"The Hobo caught Bojidar when he jumped down, Danna!" Deidara yelled up.

"Fine, I'm coming down!" Sasori yelled through clenched teeth.

Unfortunately, Sasori slipped on one of the branches and slid _very _painfully down the tree, branches hitting him in places that made the men down below cringe in pain.

Sasori then fell head first into a pile of pine needles, holding his crotch and cursing why he didn't fully make himself into a puppet.

"Danna!" Deidara yelled as he helped Sasori up. "Are you ok!?"

"I laugh at the thought of ever using that thing to have a family before I die in pain before you fools." Sasori groaned.

"Tobi found a good tree!!!" Tobi yelled as everyone stampeded on Sasori to see the tree Tobi found.

"If I ever find a woman that I have a child with, I'll be sure to tell her all the pain I went through to make her happy." Sasori scowled.

--

"Well Tobi, you got a really good tree, yeah." Deidara said.

"It looks very pretty!" Gina and Tina smiled.

"Radda."

"Well, we'll meet up with you tomorrow." The Akatsuki said as they walked out the door and into their vehicle. But before they could get in their car, a gang of thugs began to beat up our heroes, err, villains.

--

"But Kakashi! A gang of thugs took our clothes!" Sasori yelled at the cop who was writing the Akatsuki (who were hiding behind the bushes) a ticket.

"Even so, public nudity is unacceptable." Kakashi gave Itachi the ticket. "Two hundred dollars."

--

Konan was sitting on the couch watching a movie with Pain. They normally never spent much time together, but whenever the Akatsuki was doing something, they always took advantage of the moment. Pain leaned over to kiss Konan when a crowd of nude Akatsuki members walked past. Pain and Konan nearly fell over at the sight of the Akatsuki, and Pain decided to go talk to them.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" Pain yelled. "If you've forgotten, Konan was present!"

"But gangsters took our clothes." Kisame said.

Pain stood there for a minute, soaking everything in.

"If you don't spread rumors around about me and Konan, I'll let it go."

"Deal." They said as they all walked to their beds, dead tired.

--

**Another chapter done! You know I don't own Naruto, and I own Ai, Gina, Tina, Bojidar, and Kenji. Now, I have an announcement to make. I'm tired of people reading my story and not reviewing! I have a couple of people who favorite or get an alert for when my new chapters are posted, and they don't review! So from now on, the more reviews I get, the faster I'll update! So if you hurry up and review, I'll be able to get these plot bunnies out of my head!!! And for those of you who are good little people and review, they get cookies! Remember to review!!! Domo Arigato and Enjoy!!!**


	5. And a partridge in a pear tree

The sun rose over the horizon as a red Ferrari pulled up into the driveway of Kenji, Ai's foster brother. The Akatsuki got out of the car and walked to the door. Tobi ran into Kenji as he opened the door.

"What are you fools doing back here?" Kenji scowled.

"We're obviously here to make your Christmas the best." Deidara said. "Why so snarky?"

"'Cause you obviously don't care about us."

"What makes you think that?" Hidan frowned.

"Well, that's what my father used to act like before he died." Kenji sighed. "And all other people around me started acting the same way."

Before Hidan could make a snarky remark, Ai, Tina, Gina, and Bojidar ran into the room. Ai was placed on Deidara's shoulders as she ran in.

"What are we gonna do today?" she asked.

"Christmas carols, un!" Deidara answered.

"Bo-ring!" Hidan sighed. "Seriously, you people do anything fun on this heathen holiday?"

"Can't you just shut up, Hidan?" Kisame said.

"No."

--

The Akatsuki had assembled in front of a house and were singing. The people who had opened the door had now closed it in their faces.

"What's so wrong with our music?" Tina said.

"People don't now good music if it bit them in the-'' Gina started before Itachi clapped a hand over her mouth.

"So!?" Hidan said. "Who cares if she swears?"

"Unlike you, we like to teach children to keep their mouth clean." Itachi said.

"I was only going to say butt!" Gina shouted. "I'm only twelve, what'd you think I was gonna say?"

"We thought you would say-'' Hidan started to say before Sasori and Itachi put their hands over his mouth.

"So what are we gonna do if nobody likes our music?" Ai said, eyes large and ready to spew tears at a moments notice. Hidan grabbed Itachi and Sasori's hands so that he could speak.

"Well, I was in a band so I know all about how we should do this." Hidan knelt down to Ai's height. "You have to have the right genre of music, that's all."

"Radda radda?"

"Basically it means different types of music, like there's rock, heavy metal, country, get the point?" Hidan explained.

"Radda."

"So what you're saying is we have to make the Christmas songs a genre everyone likes?" Tina said.

"Right." Hidan said.

"How're we gonna do that Hidan-san?" Tobi said.

"Well, I'll show you in a montage." Hidan said.

"Dude, we can't really do a montage in a fan fiction." Itachi said.

"I can't hear you! I'm starting the montage!" Hidan yelled.

--

"Well, I think we're good!" Hidan said as he turned around from the stage set up with band equipment. "Did you people enjoy the montage?"

All the people looked up from what they were doing.

"Sorry, we were talking about the difference between a hoagie and a submarine sandwich." Itachi said.

"What's a grinder, yeah?" Deidara said.

"It's basically a hoagie." Sasori said.

"I hate you people." Hidan sighed. He walked up onto the stage and grabbed a guitar and started strumming. Then he started head banging and rocking out on his guitar.

"So now we're flying and we're free… We're free before the thunderstorm… Far beyond the sundown, Far beyond the moonlight… So far away- we wait for the day-…" Hidan yelled.

"DUDE!!!" Deidara yelled.

"What!?" Hidan yelled as he noticed the angry people coming out of their houses to complain. "Oh."

Once everyone was out of their houses, Hidan piped up.

"Well, now that we have your attention, we would like to start some Christmas carols." Hidan yelled as he started to strum his guitar as the other members and the kids ran up onto the stage. Hidan started to sing a rock version of jingle bells, and the angry people now became pleased.

Sitting on the street curb, Kenji sat, flipping a kunai over in his hand. It was a three pronged kunai, with some bells strung onto the handle.

"Hey Kenji!" Hidan shouted. Kenji looked up as a microphone was thrown in his direction. He caught it and stood up, ready to complain.

"Wanna join the fun?" Itachi smiled. He stared at everybody else. They were smiling too. Kenji smiled and ran up onto the stage and joined Hidan.

"Five Golden Rings!" He sang into the mic.

"Four calling birds." Hidan sang as he shoved Kenji aside playfully.

"Three french hens!" He sang, grabbing the microphone back.

"Two turtle doves!" Hidan sang louder. Then they both leaned toward the microphone and finished it up.

"And a par-tridge, in a pear… Tree-!!!'' Their audience applauded and walked back into their houses, much happier then they would have been without it.

"That was awesome!!!" Tina and Gina high fived.

"Radda." Bojidar crossed his arms and looked cool.

"Hey, we should totally be in the Christmas eve parade!" Ai said.

"Yeah!" Hidan agreed. "What about Mr. Grumpy?" Kenji sighed.

"All right." He smiled as he picked Ai up. They all cheered for Kenji as they all walked home.

--

**Sorry for the delay! My computer broke down, and the new computer we plugged in doesn't have Windows Word, so I'm using my mom's laptop. I also have an announcement: Sense I got writers block on this story, I'm going to postpone it for a while! But, to my Gochikuu Hon'ya Readers, I'm going back to it and I am going to finish it! I don't own Naruto, Radda, 'Through the Fire and the Flames', 'Jingle Bells', or 'the Twelve Days of Christmas'. I do own Ai, Tina, Gina, Bojidar, and Kenji. Remember to review! Domo Arigato and enjoy!**


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